me when someone says they saw some frogs in their backyard
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my cat: [gets claw stuck on bed sheet]
me: oh! let me help you-
my cat as soon as i touch her paw:
The Peel is an offshoot of the Onion but honestly if someone told me this was real slam poetry I wouldn’t even question it
the other night i tried to make a curry and i got chilli burns all over my face, so i thought to myself ‘hang on, doesn’t milk soothe chilli burns? it does’ and i couldn’t google because i couldn’t see so i just had to blindly feel my way to the fridge and pour out a bowl of milk, and then plant my face in the bowl of milk, anyway at that point the rice cooker went off and triggered a power surge which turned my electricity off, which i didn’t notice at first because i had my face in a bowl of milk and when i did emerge from the dairy prison i thought i had gone blind with chilli burns. so no i don’t really cook much.
GET TO KNOW ME MEME : [17/20] male characters
↳ Jason Mendoza (The Good Place)
I wasn’t a failed DJ. I was pre-successful.
slackeremeritus